Mother's Day Special: Working Moms and their Dilemmas
Personal view by one of our editor:
Every day we hear people suggesting if a lady should join back work after having baby or she should stay back homes. I have heard old ladies(Grandmas) suggesting that the lady should work and I have also seen young women, saying a lady should leave the job for few years to raise the kid better.
Hence, mix views from all the age groups. In this blog, I am not even trying to reach any conclusion about what’s right and what’s wrong. All, I am trying to do is putting forward the working mom view and her dilemmas.
The story of a working mom does not start after she becomes a mother. It starts with her childhood. In older times, it was different, when the girl was born, she was taught to take care of the family, her husband and she was raised with a mindset that eventually, she will be raising the kids and taking care of the family. But things were different for the millennial generation and the girls of this generation were raised to be independent and to be strong. I remember when I was a kid, the only thing my dad wished for me was to study well and become someone like an IAS. I was never asked to cook food at home or clean the home. It’s not that I was not expected to work at all. I was asked to bring vegetables from the market, get medicines from the family doctor and even take my grandfather to the doctor. When relatives would ask me if I could cook something, my dad would say “She does not need to. She needs to study and achieve her dreams.”
Now, imagine growing up with these expectations and growing up in the environment where all you heard was career and being financial independent and eventually, reaching a point in life, where you have to choose between raising kids and your career. Our minds are not wired to take these decisions, we never thought that we will ever need to take this decision. We never realized that raising kids is part of our life too. After school and college, we were busy establishing our career, deciding the career path that we even got late in getting married (as per society standards).
After getting married, there was no hurry for kids as we were still focusing on the career but society kept reminding that the biological clock is running and it’s high time to plan. So, eventually, a baby is born.
It’s very difficult to imagine how you would feel after you had a baby and it was easy to say earlier that we will continue the work even after having the baby. Things change when the baby is born and you start spending time with that little bundle of joy.
It’s not easy and it’s never going to be easy to leave the kid at home and come to work. But this is the moment when you remember your childhood, your parents expectations, your dreams, the nights you were awake to get distinctions, the time you were thriving to get A grades, the competition spirit, the wish to stay financially independent and here comes a new life who needs you every single minute. It’s the time when you have to make the choice and it’s not the easy one.
Moms who decided to be stay at home mom have taken the right decision and moms who decided to continue with the work have also taken the right decision. The only thing we need to remember is just appreciate your decision and never doubt it. Never let people tell you if this is right or wrong. If you know you can’t be a happy mom if you stay at home, it’s better to do the work and spend quality time with the kid. Similarly, if you are not happy working, it’s better to give the maximum time to the little bundle of joy and your sunshine.
Now, if we take the decision to continue with the career, it’s our choice and it will come with its own share of adjustments and compromises. As it’s said, you can’t have it all.
Being a working mom:
- You might not have ample amount of time with your kid but you can have quality time. You might be tired when you reach home but that smile can rejuvenate your energy and you are back on track.
- You might have to compromise on your “Me time” but that’s worth it. You might start talking to your sleeping kid as well but that’s ok.
- Many people will say different things but always remember they are not the ones to decide how you need to lead your life.
- You might feel the guilt of leaving the kid at home but do remember that if the baby is with your mom or mom in law, the baby is in safe hands and you are doing the best you can to make sure he is safe. No comments on leaving the babies in day care. If I had to do that, I don’t know if I could do it.
- Having a baby change your equation with your husband a bit and especially, when you are working. Imagine, you are not able to give enough time to the baby. How can you give enough time to your husband? You not only struggle to strike the balance between work and baby. It’s actually the balance among work, baby, husband, relatives, in laws and friends.
- I intentionally did not talk about the home chores like cooking food, cleaning and all as if you are working, I am sure you can get a help at home to do this. Mommies, you are already a super mom, share the work which you can and imagine, you are also empowering other woman who is working at your home and earning the bread and education for her kids with the money you pay.
There are different perceptions, views and theories for mommies. Listen to the one which you like and which makes you happy. The one which goes with your ideology and remember it’s impossible to make everyone happy. Do your best and remember you are the one your kids look up to. Make sure you are happy doing what you do and you are setting an example which you want to set for your kid.
We all go through enough every day and it’s same for men and women. So, let’s be nice and gentle to the people around us and pass your help wherever you can.
Happy moms raise happy kids. Make sure you are happy. If you are not, take steps which make you happy.